Observations Before Evaluations

The principle An observation is what a neutral recorder could capture: words spoken, dates missed, documents changed, people included, or decisions made. An evaluation is the meaning you assign: lazy, disrespectful, political, careless, defensive. In difficult conversations, evaluations are sometimes useful later as hypotheses, but they are dangerous openers. They ask the listener to accept your story before they have agreed on the facts. Start with the observable moment, then name impact and request. A practical test: if the other person could reasonably answer, 'No, I am not that kind of person,' you probably led with evaluation. If they can…

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