Requests Are Not Demands

A repair request is a proposed next behavior, not a verdict on the other person. The fastest way to turn a repair conversation back into conflict is to disguise a demand as a request. 'Can you be more proactive?' sounds civil, but it is too vague to do. 'Can you send the risk note by Wednesday noon?' is concrete. The request test Ask three questions. Could a camera see the behavior? Is the time or trigger clear? Can the other person say no or counter without punishment? If the answer is no, you may have a demand or a wish.…

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