Emotional Labour at Work and How to Carry Less of It
- What emotional labour actually is
- Why most people get this wrong
- The three boundaries that actually reduce emotional labour
- Building it as a daily practice
Emotional labour is an often overlooked but significant component of many jobs. It involves managing not just your own feelings but also the emotions of others, creating a buffer in challenging situations. From softening hard messages to providing support during difficult conversations, emotional labour is a form of work that can be taxing and often goes unrecognized. The challenge lies in balancing this essential aspect of interpersonal dynamics while ensuring it doesn't lead to burnout.
What Emotional Labour Actually Is
The origins of the term "emotional labour" can be traced back to sociologist Arlie Hochschild, who studied flight attendants in the 1980s. She described it as "the management of feeling to create a publicly observable facial and bodily display." In the workplace today, emotional labour manifests in various ways, such as a team lead preparing for a one-on-one with an employee going through personal turmoil or a customer success manager who maintains a positive demeanor while addressing a frustrated client.
While these actions are crucial for a harmonious workplace, they often go unnoticed in performance reviews and organizational key performance indicators (KPIs). A recent study in the Journal of Applied Psychology highlighted that employees who engage in high emotional labour without recognition face burnout at 3.2 times the rate of their peers. This reveals that the issue is not the emotional labour itself, but rather the lack of acknowledgment and the exhaustion that comes from it.
Why Most People Get This Wrong
Misunderstanding emotional labour can lead to significant pitfalls.
First, many individuals fail to recognize that they are engaging in emotional labour. They might perceive their efforts as simply being supportive, not realizing the cognitive toll it takes.
Second, some people become the de facto emotional support for their teams. Often women and middle managers fall into this trap, absorbing the feelings of others without realizing the impact on their own energy levels.
Third, there's a common misconception that reducing emotional labour means becoming emotionally detached. After experiencing burnout, some may swing to the opposite extreme, becoming transactional and damaging critical relationships.
Lastly, the silent resentment that builds from unrecognized emotional work can poison workplace dynamics. Those who shoulder excessive emotional labour without acknowledgment may find themselves feeling bitter toward their teams or management, ultimately leading to disengagement and turnover.
The Three Boundaries That Actually Reduce Emotional Labour
Establishing boundaries is vital for managing emotional labour effectively. Here are three practical boundaries to consider:
Boundary 1: Notice When Emotional Work Is Being Delegated to You. It’s essential to recognize when others are offloading their emotional burdens onto you. For instance, if a colleague complains about an issue with a third party they should address directly, you’re being delegated their conflict. Acknowledging this internally allows you to make a choice: either accept the burden or redirect them to the appropriate person.
Boundary 2: Differentiate Between Presence and Performance. You can be present for someone in distress without over-functioning. Listening without feeling the need to solve the problem can significantly reduce your emotional labour. Remind yourself, "I am here with them; this is theirs to feel." This simple mantra encourages engagement while maintaining emotional distance.
Boundary 3: Track the Gap Between What You Give and What You Get Back. Emotional labour becomes unsustainable when it feels one-sided. If a colleague continually comes to you with issues without reciprocating concern, it’s time to address the imbalance. Start by tracking these interactions, and then consider having an honest conversation about your shared dynamics.
A Practical Example
Consider Sarah, a project manager who often finds herself the go-to person for team members needing emotional support. After realizing the toll it was taking on her, she decided to implement the boundaries outlined above.
In her first step, Sarah started to notice when colleagues were offloading their emotional burdens onto her. When a team member vented about stress, she gently redirected them to discuss their concerns directly with their supervisor.
Next, she practiced being present without performing emotional labour. During a tough meeting, instead of trying to reassure a distressed colleague excessively, Sarah focused on listening and asking one supportive question.
Finally, Sarah began tracking the emotional work she contributed versus what she received. She had a candid conversation with her team about the emotional dynamics, which led to a more balanced support system.
After several weeks, Sarah noticed her stress levels decreased, and her colleagues started handling their emotional challenges more independently.
Building It as a Daily Practice
To effectively manage emotional labour, small, consistent changes are key. Start by tracking your emotional labour for one week. Write down three sentences each day reflecting on who you supported and what you absorbed. This simple act can build visibility for yourself and reveal how much emotional work you’re doing.
Choose one boundary to focus on each week. Perhaps you’ll begin by noticing when you’re being delegated emotional tasks. The following week, work on differentiating between your presence and performance. Finally, track gaps in your emotional exchanges with peers.
Finding a peer who also engages in emotional labour can significantly lighten the load. Sharing experiences and strategies with someone who understands can enhance your practice.
Conclusion
Emotional labour is an integral part of many jobs, yet it often remains invisible. By acknowledging its existence and implementing strong boundaries, you can navigate this complex terrain without feeling overwhelmed. Remember, not all emotional labour is a burden; some of it is necessary and even rewarding.
As you work on establishing boundaries and tracking your emotional contributions, you’ll find greater balance and well-being in your professional life. For more tailored support, consider taking the Omie Skill Assessment to identify your emotional intelligence strengths and areas for growth. Take the Omie Skill Assessment.